I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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