i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
