I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
do herpes really smell.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
