need another drink. this is the easiest way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize