Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
