I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
PANTIES FOUND
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