She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
