she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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