Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize