i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
