why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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