It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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