Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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