Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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