my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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