after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
