remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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