I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're a waste of cheezeits
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
