This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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