I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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