I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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