nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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