Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
