walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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