well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
