drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
