i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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