I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
