Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
