gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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