where am i from again
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
