I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
