Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
