I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
