I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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