Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
