dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
