Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
