Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize