im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
