When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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