i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
