I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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