It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
