if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
