we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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