How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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