i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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