it hurts more in the daytime
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
