The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
