you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dignity is for republicans.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
