were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
