i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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