i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
