About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
my poor anus
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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