I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I could make wine with my vomit
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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