So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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