Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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