So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
