found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
