allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
