im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
