I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
