Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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