I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
