I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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