They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
