I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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