Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
