Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
