did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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