bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
