u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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