It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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