you mean i was at the winter classic?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
