I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
