oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
