don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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