Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
