Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
