Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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