bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
