Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
