Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize