Will you blow on my dice?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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