Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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