I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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