I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize