Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
