Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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