So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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