I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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