Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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