Cold hands, warm shart.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
