Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
