you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Text me some of your sweat
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