1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
