She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
