I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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