How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
