He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
